


Impossible

by QueenOfAllCorgis



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst to the max, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, confessed feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 03:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18490795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfAllCorgis/pseuds/QueenOfAllCorgis
Summary: Brian was content just being friends with benefits with Roger. He was until Roger suffers from an ectopic pregnancy during a show.





	Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> This was just honestly an excuse to write something sad.

He was in shock. 

 

Logically Brian knew that he was in shock. The blankness and just pure  _ nothingness _ was a way for his brain to protect itself against the horrors that it had just been through. His mind was literally trying to shut himself out from the world around him.

 

“Brian?” Freddie’s gentle touch on his arm finally got his attention. Even turning his head made him feel like he was moving through molasses. Freddie stared back at him, heartbreak clear in his dark eyes. “Brian, did you hear what the doctor said?”

 

“Uh...no...sorry,” he shook his head slightly, tearing his gaze from Freddie to the doctor in front of him. 

 

“Maybe you should take a seat son,” the doctor’s voice was warm and gentle and he didn’t fight as he helped him sit in the uncomfortable plastic chair just behind him. John sat at his side, tears trekking down his too pale face.  

 

“I’m sorry,” Brian finally managed to breathe.

 

“It’s quite alright,” the doctor knelt in front of him and gave him a small smile. “Would you like me to repeat what I said?”

 

_ No. _

 

_ Please no. _

 

_ Never, ever say it again. _

 

“Yes please.”

 

The doctor placed a hand on Brian’s knee. “I received an update about Mr. Taylor’s surgery a few minutes ago. The pain and bleeding was caused by a ruptured fallopian tube. The embryo latched onto the tube instead of the uterus which meant that the tube burst when it got too big. We had to remove that tube to control the bleeding and Mr. Taylor should be just fine. He’ll need some time to heal from the surgery but there should be no lingering effects of the injury to his health.”

 

“And the...the embryo?” He couldn’t bring himself to call it anything else. 

 

“I’m terribly sorry Mr. May,” the doctor’s eyes went soft and pitying. “There was nothing that could have been done to save the baby. We removed any remaining tissues. Now, there are two fallopian tubes so while it might make conceiving a bit more difficult there is no reason for you two to not try for another baby.”

 

Brian nodded, numb. He couldn’t bring up his thoughts that they hadn’t even tried for this one. 

 

“Now do you have any other questions I can answer?” He asked and Brian hated him. He hated his gentle voice and his sad eyes. He hated the way he hovered. He hated the way he had just torn everything down around them.

 

Freddie leaned forward. “Yes, I-”

 

“No, no more questions,” Brian interrupted. He couldn’t stand listening to a doctor explain the tragedy in a clinical, unfeeling way. “Thank you.”

 

The doctor nodded, placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and then stood. “I’ll come and get you when he is ready for visitors.”

 

He walked off, leaving the three men sitting in the waiting room. It felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air. Brian’s chest shuddered as he gulped in a thin breath and then his entire body shook. 

 

“Christ, I didn’t even know he was pregnant,” Brian let out in a rush. Freddie stiffened next to him and gave him such a look of horrified pity that he could barely stand it. “I...I didn’t know. I didn’t even know about the baby before…”

 

“None of us did darling,” Freddie soothed, rubbing at his shoulder. “I bet Roger didn’t even know. It was too early to really show any signs.”

 

“He knew,” John whispered, curling up slightly in his chair and wrapping his arms around his legs. He flinched when Brian just stared at him blankly. “I’m sorry.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian asked, his voice low and dangerous.

 

“He...I bought him the test,” John twisted his fingers together nervously. 

 

“And you didn’t tell me?” A terrible rage burned through Brian. “You didn’t think for a moment that you should tell me?”

 

John bit his lip and rocked a bit in his chair. “He was terrified Brian. We just started really taking off and he was so scared that a baby would ruin that. He thought you wouldn’t want it either since you both were...casual I suppose. He didn’t want to lose you.”

 

Brian sagged backwards and closed his eyes tightly. 

 

How long had Roger suffered in silence, trying to plan out when he would tell Brian the biggest news anyone could have? They weren’t together. They weren’t an established couple or anything. They just let off some steam sometimes or fell into bed together after a drunken night out. 

 

It didn’t mean anything. 

 

But it did.

 

It took time before fun times with no feelings became times with feelings. 

 

And now there was this. 

 

He blinked furiously, trying to breathe but it was hard. It was like he was trying to gulp in air through a coffee straw and it just wasn’t enough. His head dropped into his hands and he felt his shoulders shake as he tried to piece together what had just happened.

 

_ Roger had been looking pale for a few days. His normal enthusiasm that bordered on mania had all but vanished, turning into a kind of exhaustion that Brian had never seen. His feet dragged when he walked and his shoulders curled like the air itself was too much of a weight.  _

 

_ “You sure you’re good to go on?” John asked, worry in his eyes.  _

 

_ “Fine,” Roger rolled his shoulders and winced.  _

 

_ He had to be getting the flu or something. For the past few weeks Roger had shrugged off his advances or even gotten snappy with him. Brian was at a loss. It was usually Roger who burned off post show adrenaline by crashing their lips together. Now, he was the one avoiding his eyes and hiding from him.  _

 

_ “You look like death darling,” Freddie paused from talking to a stagehand and frowned at him. _

 

_ “Then it’s a good thing I’m behind the drums.” _

 

_ The lights flashed on the stage and smoke from the smoke machines started flooding the room. The crowd screamed and Freddie jumped in place a few times. They started to walk onto the stage when Roger’s body jerked and he curled over, grabbing at his stomach. _

 

_ “Whoa,” Brian placed a hand on his back, frowning deeper when Roger jerked away. “What’s wrong?” _

 

_ Roger grit his teeth and straightened up a bit. “Nothing...just a cramp. Bad seafood or something.” _

 

_ And that was that. _

 

_ They went onto stage and started their show as always. It provided a good distraction from his worry and Brian threw himself into the performance. Things went perfectly until Roger’s drumstick crashed down on the rim with a terrible sound. Then, he stopped playing all together. _

 

_ John started playing harder, clearly trying to cover up the lack of drums. When Roger didn’t come back in Brian turned a bit in place, trying to see what was going on.  _

 

_ Roger was curled in on himself, arms wrapped tight around his middle. The lights still flashing shone off the tears streaming down his cheeks. He had never seen someone in so much pain before. _

 

_ He quickly pulled his guitar off and put it on the floor, practically vaulting onto the riser. A stagehand got to his side first but Brian hovered behind him, hardly breathing from fear.  _

 

_ “Fuck…” Roger let out in a sharp whine, coughing weakly. “Fuck, fuck it hurts.” _

 

_ “What hurts Rog?” Brian asked, hardly noticing the crowd going mostly quiet and the music stopping completely. The blond didn’t answer, simply shaking instead. He sucked in a few trembling breaths and went even paler. _

 

_ A medic rushed onto the riser, placing a hand on his shoulder. All of his hushed questions went unanswered as Roger just trembled and cried. Then, his body jerked and he let out a  _ _ scream. _

 

_ “Let’s get you up and to the hospital, yeah?” The medic put a hand under Roger’s arm but the blond’s knees gave way as soon as he stood up. Brian caught him on the other side and they carefully got him off the risers.  _

 

_ Another medic had thankfully wheeled a stretcher to the edge of the risers. Brian helped by placing a hand on the back of Roger’s right thigh to hoist him onto the stretcher as he clearly wasn’t strong enough to do it on his own. _

 

_ He still sat curled up on the stretcher, moaning through clenched teeth. Freddie was by his side, looking shaken, and his eyes widened. “Is that blood?” _

 

_ A red streak was smeared across the stretcher where Roger had slid on and it covered Brian’s hand. Nausea rose up but Brian choked it down, trying to focus on the man on the stretcher instead. _

 

_ “Wait,” Roger choked out, pale eyes snapping open and flitting around. “Wait!” _

 

_ “We’re taking you to the hospital,” the medic said soothingly, pulling up the sides of the stretcher.  _

 

_ “Wait, wait,” Roger gasped and grabbed the side bars in a panic. “I’m pregnant. I’m fucking pregnant.” _

 

_ All the air and warmth in the room rushed out of Brian in a terrible wave. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that this amount of blood and the pain he was feeling couldn’t be good. He could see the pure, complete fear in Roger’s eyes. _

 

_ The medic glanced at his partner and nodded. “We’ll do everything we can for you.” _

 

_ “Brian!” Roger jerked his head up to look at him but the words barely even registered in Brian’s mind. “I’m so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry.” _

 

_ He couldn’t answer.  _

 

_ He couldn’t say anything. _

 

_ He couldn’t do anything as they wheeled him away. _

 

He had known about his child for all of half an hour before it was gone. How in the world was that fair? How did he deserve that? How did either of them deserve that?

 

The doctor came back in with his too sad eyes and his too soft voice and informed them that they were able to go back and see him. For a moment Brian thought about refusing. He couldn’t dream about actually seeing Roger, of making this horrible moment a reality. 

 

“You have to go Bri,” Freddie whispered. 

 

“I don’t even know if I’m the fucking father,” Brian knew he sounded a bit hysterical. “He could have spread his legs for anyone. I could-”

 

His head snapped to the side as John slapped him so hard his ears rang. “Don’t say that. Christ, that’s just a fucking evil thing to say.”

 

Brian slumped back in his chair. “I know.”

 

“Imagine how he is suffering,” John hissed. “I have two children of my own and it would ruin me if I lost one. It doesn’t matter if he was just a few weeks along, he thought of it as his child. Stop this bullshit, get your head on straight, and go comfort him.”

 

Freddie nodded vigorously and Brian forced his wooden legs to stand. The doctor gave him another infuriating smile and led him through the double doors, into the chaos of the recovery ward. 

 

He tried to keep his gaze straight ahead, determined not to even look at the other poor souls stashed away in the rooms. They walked to the end of the hall and the doctor pushed open a door. 

 

“He’s a bit out of it from the medication,” the doctor whispered and Brian nodded, numb. “There is an incision across his belly so be aware of that.”

 

“Okay.”

 

He stepped into the small room, instantly feeling stifled. Roger lay on the bed in the middle of the room, laying on his back while staring at the ceiling. His hands rested at his sides and clenched and unclenched nervously. 

 

Brian couldn’t think of a single word to say. He walked slowly into the room, feeling hot all over as Roger’s gaze followed him. His eyes were horribly guarded, like he was trying to make himself numb the same way Brian was.  

 

“How are you feeling?” He whispered and the dam broke.

 

The blond choked on a sob and he covered his face with his hands, shaking like he was about to crumble apart. Brian hesitated for a split second before crossing the room towards him and sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. 

 

“Hey, hey,” he tried to say soothingly but his own voice was choked with tears. “Just breathe, okay?”

 

“I am so, so sorry,” Roger sobbed. “I am so fucking sorry.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” the words felt heavy in his mouth. 

 

Roger shook his head, face still covered by his hands. “I wanted to tell you, I swear I did. I was going to tell you about it soon.”

 

Carefully, Brian leaned forward and cradled the shaking man in front of him. “Shh, it’s alright.” 

 

“It’s not!” Roger’s shout came out watery and weak. “It’s not fucking alright! I...I...I had a baby in me. I had part of you and me in me and now I don’t. It  _ died _ inside of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

 

The sobs came so suddenly that it took Brian by surprise. One moment he was numb and the next he felt an overwhelming, soul crushing despair. They clung to each other like they were the only thing keeping the other from sinking into it. 

 

“I’m sorry Rog,” Brian whispered. 

 

The trembling had faded until it was just an occasional shiver. Roger sniffed a few times and buried his face in Brian’s shirt. “I was going to tell you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I wasn’t going to hide it.”

 

“I know.”

 

The blond sniffled again.”I was scared of what you were going to say.”

 

“I would have stayed. I would have supported you and it,” Brian swore, his words coming out a bit stronger than he had anticipated. “I would have been there for you.”

 

Roger nodded miserably. “Yeah...but it’s hard to know when your fuck buddy knocks you up. I guess...I guess we don’t have to worry about that now.”

 

His voice cracked painfully on the last word and Brian felt his breath hitch in his throat. “That’s not what we are...right? We’re more than that.”

 

For a long, terrible moment there was just silence. Then, Roger pulled back and met his eyes. “Yeah, we’re more than that.”

 

“It’ll be okay,” Brian pressed a kiss to his forehead, feeling an overwhelming pressure in his chest. “It’ll be okay.”

 

“Our baby is dead,” Roger whispered, fingers twisting in Brian’s shirt. 

 

There weren’t any words he could say, nothing that could say that would make this situation better. Just yesterday there was a baby and now there wasn’t. They had both gone through it separately but not anymore, now they would do this together.

 

Despite how impossible it seemed that they were going to move past this Brian knew they would. They had done the impossible before. 


End file.
